Dear Nick Jr., It has recently been called to my attention that you have fired Steve and have put in Joe. Although I want to stay in my calm, mature manner that I have kept for so long, there is something I want to say. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW BAD JOE SCADOODES WRONG???? HAVE YOU SEEN THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HIM AND STEVE??? You must have fired Steve, perhaps, because of financial reasons, perhaps, but you should have hired someone that can scadooded right. That should be the top priority! There are many kids that love the Scadoodling, as they have been watching it for several years. Do you know how aggravating it is to suddenly have the show switch to an Amateur scadoodler where the kids can scadoode better than Joe??? Where’s the hope in learning how to be as good of a scadoodler like Steve??? It just dawned to me that you are lowering your achievement bar so that kids can reach that bar. Is that what you are doing? Well then, think to yourself-were you ever a little kid? I think the answer is no that you were born in those wealthy families. No offense. But don’t you remember when you achieved something as a kid? YAY and then it dies down. Tto nothing. You get bored and start doing something else. You just stop doing it and at the end, with malpractice, you end up being worse than before, and try to do it again, and it will never come back to you for the rest of your life!! Hmm..maybe that’s what happened to Joe. So I want you to ask yourself a question. Do you want the future of America to not know how to do something as easy as scadooeing? If they can’t do that, I doubt there is anything else they can do else because afterwards, I think they will not strive hard enough to reach their goals. Not to mention psychological problems….

Duct tape people, You make the strongest tape in the world right? I’m so happy that there is an address to write to you. I needed to find the strongest tape company out there, and I remembered that duct tape is the strongest! You know that some people go around and toilet paper peoples houses right? Well, at the end, the people always are able to take the toilet paper off, even if it rains, and proceed on with their lives. No big deal, just a prank that they can look back at and swear at the people that made the prank. And then laugh and say what a dumbass you were because you didn’t notice as they were toilet papering the house. Well, I have this one teacher who we all hate. I think that the principal of our school does too, but can not fire her because he is afraid to even go near her classroom. She is always in her mood swings, and every month she picks one child after she went to a bar in the night, and she makes them chug white out. It’s not a prep or a brat she chooses especially. She just picks one child out of a random group of 26 people and she makes them chug white out. The last kid choked and went to the ambulance. Of course, the parents did not sue her because they are too afraid that they will have to chug the white out as well. And also, at the right of her classroom there are some sharp knives that she says are for decoration. This is where I have to address you. I want as much duct tape to cover her classroom up. Her classroom is one to those portable classrooms where we have to walk all across our school lawn because the principal wants her as far as possible. Yea I know, he’s a brat. He is one of those guys who were born with a rich family, so he always has his way. But this isn’t about him is it? Anyways, I need some duct tape that will cover a whole portable classroom. Please do not ask me big this classroom is. I don’t want to stick around her classroom anymore than I have to. But this portable classroom is about the size of a regular one. Thank you, duct tape people! When you hear that a drunken female teacher is trapped in a classroom covered with duct tape, you will be proud that you had also been a part of this. You will make a difference for the people that will come to our middle school for years, because this woman was never going to retire and she is about 50 right now. Think about how much of a difference you are making to us, and for the future. Popari Chaos http://www.DuctTapeFashion.com I was mostly joking about polishing up on your emails. Mostly, it was a giveaway that it was a joke. #1 parents aren't scared of teachers. Try saying that parents dont' beleive the KIDS about the teachers. #2 leaving your website address was a giveaway. I always visit a persons website before responding, but that's my trip and some others might not do the same, dig? #3 I don't actually 'make' duct tape. That had me wondering who the heck you were trying to contact. #4 I pick and pick at stuff like this, so don't take my word for it. If you've had the responses you want from people so far, then keep doing what you are doing <IMG height=15 src="http://www.xanga.com/Images/smiley1.gif" width=15> Thanks anyways though, it was pretty funny. And for your information, you mentioned toilet papering someones house? I DUCT TAPED a freinds house over halloween a few years back. Made a bunch of Blair Witch symbols in their trees with sticks, climbed the tree's and candy-caned the tape down them. He had some dummies that they used for wrestling practice (which I found creepy anyways) and I made duct tape nooses and hung them from the branches. Keith Drone

Weather Channel. Your weather channel people have made a drastic impact on the whole world today. You have damned us to hell, and I, the death prophet was ordered to tell you that you have made god very angry at all of us. God is the ruler above all, is this correct? I know there are different types of gods that rule different people, but they are all referred to as god. I think. God wants us to have an unpredictable life, a life where anything can happen. This is where you come in. You weather channel people have created technology that has been able to accurately predict the weather. Now god can not give us surprises, because y’all can get the predictions right. Have you ever heard of that saying, life is full of surprises? Well that’s not a life full of surprises. That’s a life full of accuracy. No longer can we just worry about the rain but that saying can’t be true anymore! Which makes you even more right and you know how God hates that. Or maybe you don’t. Well I do, because I was sent to warn you, right? OH MY GOD! (Ok, dun tell god that) I’m a death prophet that works for god. Sometimes there are people that make god mad, and he turns them to me. He uses some technology (though not quite like the technology here on earth) and he gets a full detailed subscription of the person that is currently making them mad. I dream of the person dying in the most obscene ways and that person turns out to die like that. I’m truly a gift from heaven. I’m supposed to warn you that if you don’t stop making all of these accurate predictions, I have a right to kill you. Oh, and yes, there is cable television in heaven as well, where I see all of you make predictions that god has sent out. Hope I see you in heaven. Popari Chaos The death prophet The Weather Channel otrs@talk2.weather.com Thank you very much for taking the time to contact The Weather Channel Interactive. Your question or concern is very important to us and will be addressed by a member of our On-Line Customer Support team. Our Customer Support hours are 9 a.m.-6 p.m., Monday through Friday. We will make every effort to reply as quickly as possible. Your TWCi-Team

Dear Five Star Binders, I want to address a HUGE problem with your binders. Did you know that my school makes us buy YOUR binders especially? I mean on the school supply list it says-five star gear zipper binder. When I was in 6th grade, I thought, oh well, zipper binders are nice aren’t they? Not like the flimsy ones that we had in fifth grade. I used it all through 6th grade, marveling at how it sturdy it was. That was until I entered 7th grade, the grade of which I am in now. I bought one of your binders, and so did my friend. The very first day, my friends ring clasps broke! Do you remember when you were in 7th grade? Wait woops; I forgot I was talking to old people. Sorry. Anyways, there are copiers now. The teachers, of course, are obsessed with them, and they use them frequently to stare at the technology of the copiers. So after a while we have 500 papers, you know? So my friend has to take everything out of her binder every time she wants to put something in it. And she also can’t flip through it either, because the clasps have air between them. A lot of it too, in fact. Too much! This quarter is 3rd quarter. We have already had 1st and 2nd quarter, so we still have 3rd and 4th quarter left. We are hoping the binders are ok to last all year, because we are paying $7.00 to buy our binders. That’s as much as my vocabulary book! And my vocabulary teacher says that those $7.00 are the best $7.00 you will ever spend on your vocabulary book, so I guess five star gear zipper binders aren’t the best things to buy, right? Turns out, she is correct. My friend and my self’s zipper tag came off. We have nothing to use to slide our zippers with. We also keep books inside the binder, so these tend to bulge out as well. Allow me to explain. In my binder I carry, my notes, 50 sheets of paper, 2 folders, 15 sheet protectors, a compass, 2 protractors, note cards, tabs, sheet dividers, an Edgar Allen Poe book (as required from my English teacher), my TI-83 plus owner manual as well as the linking cable, a ruler, some reinforcements, and scissors. Do you think that I can get the zipper to reach all the way without the zipper tag? My fingers turn red from exhaust! Can we get a good binder? As soon as I’m done this letter I’ll write to my county school system that they should change the school supply list! This gives us too much stress to try to squeeze 5 pounds into our binders without the zipper tag! I hope that you are ashamed of ourselves and that when you reply to us, it will not be a letter saying, we appreciate your concerns! Because you will be hearing from me again. Popari Chaos spc@meadwestvaco.com Dear Consumer: Thank you for contacting MeadWestvaco Consumer & Office Products. We are sorry to learn that you encountered a problem with our product. Since we are concerned that you received a defective product, we would like to replace it for you. In the next few days you will be receiving a postage-paid label in the mail. By returning the defective product to us using the postage-paid label, we will be able to issue a replacement. When we receive the defective product, we will forward it to the appropriate manufacturing facility so that the problem you encountered will be investigated. A replacement product will be mailed to you. Please allow two to four weeks for delivery. Examining the defective product is very helpful to us in correcting problems that may have occurred during production. This examination ensures that consumers will receive an improved product in the future. Though MeadWestvaco does not issue cash or coupon refunds for defective merchandise, we do want to be sure that our consumers receive a correctly made product. Again, thank you for contacting us. Sincerely, Consumer Relations Representative

Dear KFC, I am very ashamed of you. You thought you could lie and get away with it. But did you know that the internet has thousands of knowledge? Surely we would have found out that the chicken that you have produced out to us is CLONED and it has no beak. You surely know how to spoil someone’s appetite. One day, I was at a party with my friend. There was lots of food, and eventually we saw the KFC. My friend swallowed and told me that she would not take any KFC and told me that after I ate the chicken she would tell me why. As curious as anyone would be, I took a little and finished it quickly. Afterwards, she told me that the chickens get cloned and when they do, they don’t have beaks. That is so gross! You think that you can cheat and not buy chickens and take it the easy way out! That is so stupid of you to do. I mean didn’t you realize that when people do find out that the KFC chickens are cloned and look revolting, that people would stop eating your food? And don’t you realize that when a cloned chicken escapes from your company then the chicken will not be able to fit in because he doesn’t have a beak? And will die? And you will easily be able to find them so they can’t escape! You really haven’t thought about how a chicken feels. Maybe, instead of putting your money into cloning these grotesque things, you should study how a chicken feels. Seriously. And then maybe, you can try to act like some beakless chicken and see how it is like! Maybe then you wouldn’t clone chickens because you want to. Or try to cheat and not buy chickens and just produce them. I don’t know the exact facts, but I bet your sales have been going down a whole lot. I mean, you don’t have many commercials, and I don’t see any KFC stores around. Though you probably don’t care because you are a millionaire right? So I think that you should just make another restaurant or product or whatever it is that you want to make so that you can have more money. Yup, I know how greedy people think. The more the better right? Well I’m an animal rights person who doesn’t think that not having rights for chickens is abuse. You know how they have child abuse? Well they should have chicken abuse! In fact, I’ll just start a foundation right now! I told you I was an animal rights person, remember? You’ll probably be hearing about the chicken abuse association, or the CAA. I already have two people who will be joining me, and I just told them! Funny how this association is getting more people than you have sold your product to. And I’ve been on this earth less. I hope you get scared. Popari Chaos, CAA Bloem, Diane (Contractor) Diane.Bloem@yum.com Thank you for your recent e-mail and interest in KFC. It is untrue that KFC uses genetically manipulated organisms; this is simply an urban legend. As a matter of fact, KFC uses only the highest quality ingredients in all the meals we freshly prepare in our restaurant kitchens. We buy our quality chicken from the same trusted brands that you buy in your supermarket Ebrands like Perdue, Tyson, and Pilgrim’s Pride. If you would like more information about our quality standards or any of our products, please visit our KFC website at www.KFC.com. Thank you for your interest in KFC.